Creating Boundaries Creates Happiness: Part 8
You made it to our final post about creating boundaries in your life! Just by reading each post, you've shown you are open to change, and ready to receive happiness.
Let's dig into the last topic of discussion, "I am enough".
This may not sound like it has anything to do with setting boundaries, but let me tell you why it does. It actually may be the most important step in this entire blog series. This is because you have to be secure enough with yourself to stop seeking validation and reassurance from others when it comes to creating boundaries.
I'll let that thought sink in for a moment...
It's a lot to think about right?! Setting boundaries feels uncomfortable at first because we want others to like us, not be upset, to be impressed with how we can "have it all" and balance it so well. Guess what? They don't have it together either. They are imperfect too! So why the heck are you trying to convince someone else, who's struggling with their own crap, that you are Mrs. Pinterest-Good Times over here?! (That's my self-given nickname too if anyone cares.)
My real friends and loved ones truly don't care about the size of my house, the car I drive, my hair or clothes, if my marriage is perfect, the size of my jeans, or what I made for dinner. They care about my well being and what projects I have going on that they could lend a hand for. They care that my kids are safe and know how awesome they are. They care that I know how loved I am, even when I have been not such a great person or friend myself. They have uncomfortable conversations with me because they know the best relationships are built through tough times. We respect each others boundaries.
I always say I am a work in progress. I struggle most days to be enough for myself. I have the desire for others to like me and I hate being alone most of the time. I get worried about the words that have left my mouth. I get anxious when I have to deal with difficult people. BUT, I'm starting to be okay with the fact that I am NOT and WILL NOT ever be enough for some people. And that's really okay. I wish them well on their journey and perhaps we will be enough to be in each other's lives again someday.
I have found that being enough for myself takes an immense, never ending amount of work. It's a topic that I love learning about, obviously. How to be better...there's always something to work on, right? Totally self-assured, secure people inspire me but also fascinate me. I hope to be one someday! But I think the difference between the need for self-improvement and being secure is being present and fulfilled in the moment. I remind myself throughout the day to come back down from distant thoughts and focus on what is happening right now. When you feel your mind start to wander to negative thoughts, refocus on what you can control and the awesome moment that is happening right before your eyes. Fear and worry can make you feel like you'll never be enough. Don't let them win!
I hope sharing some thoughts and experiences with creating boundaries has helped you in some way. Please comment and let us know your struggles and tips for creating happiness in your world. You never know who might be reading your feedback and who you might be helping.