Creating Boundaries Creates Happiness : Part 5
Are you enjoying our series on creating boundaries? Leave us a comment and let us know what you struggle with most when practicing setting boundaries! We might be able to help each other.
In the next discussion, we move on to "I Have a Right to My Own Feelings". Okay so I'm kinda super guilty with this issue. Sometimes, when my husband comes to me with his feelings about something sensitive, I tend to respond with "Oh you shouldn't feel bad/sad/angry/embarrassed about that! You're being silly!" He's usually like, "okay thanks Kate, but I do, so...." I realize that I negated his feelings completely and usually will ask for a re-do with my approach. You see, it's not my job to tell other people how they feel. They feel how they feel regardless of what my opinion is. Shocker, huh? See, I always tell you I'm a work in progress!
If someone tells you not to feel a certain way, remind them that it's not about what you should or shouldn't feel...it's about what you are certainly indeed feeling right then in that moment. It's not about being right or wrong. Ask for understanding and empathy.
Maybe you're a person that brushes aside your own emotions as a way to avoid conflict or make others happy and "keep the peace". I encourage you start communicating your feelings rather than running away. We know logically that problems never fix themselves, but sometimes it's easier in the moment to keep quiet. Unfortunately this is not healthy and can often lead to even bigger issues of bitterness, resentments, and anger. No one is going to speak for you, you must find your voice on your own and speak up. A healthy friendship or relationship will be open to communication about important individual and situational feelings. If not, you may have some work to do together or sometimes, sadly, apart.